MY JOURNEY

I've always loved nature; some of my earliest memories are of being outside chasing butterflies and climbing trees, but I was 8 years old when I fell in love with growing food. It's really ironic how it all started and I still laugh when I think of it- it all began with a McDonald's happy meal. The toy was a little miniature greenhouse with a pack of marigold seeds; my brother gave me the cucumber seeds from his toy. I was in absolute awe and amazement to see the little seeds germinating, life springing from the soil. I loved tending them and watching everyday as they grew. When they grew too big for the little greenhouse, I planted them in the ground in my backyard with the small trowel that had been my brother's toy. One day, they began to flower and then little cucumbers grew. I was in such amazement. I was so excited and ran to the house when the first cucumber seemed big enough and ripe to pick. I took it straight to my mom who sliced it for us. Her whole face lit up as she said it was the most delicious cucumber she had ever tasted. I knew from that day on that that's what I wanted to do in life; to have fun growing plants and food and then share in the satisfaction and joy by providing that food to others. I wanted to be a farmer. An intense passion, already within me, had been ignited.

I've had a garden ever since then and learned so much as a child, and am still learning, about nature from tending the soil and caring for the plants, watching the earthworms and insects, listening to the songs of the birds and hum of the bees- observing nature and all her wonders. Through all of the challenges of life, I've always felt such immense peace and solace in my garden.

I still remember sitting on the living room floor, eyes wide open, watching "Garden Magic" on the local PBS station and running outside to tend my garden after the show with such inspiration and enthusiasm. At a very young age I read books on gardening such as "The New Seed-Starters Handbook" and "The Rodale Book of Composting". I was enthralled by the science of nature and realized that growing healthy plants is really about nurturing the soil; soil is a living community of organisms and when we nurture the soil, it takes care of the rest. I also began a subscription with Organic Gardening Magazine. The word "organic" wasn't regulated back then; to grow organically came from the heart, not set by a list of government regulations. Organic still means to me what it meant back then- to grow in harmony with and for the well-being of the Earth and all living beings on Earth, and all that that means. I was naturally drawn to grow in this way. Later on, when I learned of the principles of biodynamics, it resonated deeply with me. I learned that it's not only about growing in harmony with the Earth, but that the sun, moon, planets, and stars all interplay in the growth of plants. The growth of life on Earth is a collaborative effort of the entire galaxy, and I dare say, the entire Universe; it's incredibly humbling to be a part of it.

As an adult, I spent many years professionally involved with the growing of plants. I worked in the garden center at Lowe's for 8 years and became the live nursery specialist. I received a Bachelor's degree in Horticulture with a minor in Entomology/Nematology through the University of Florida and worked as a research assistant for two professors during my time there. Although I appreciate and learned so much through these experiences, none of them truly satisfied my deepest desire- to be a farmer. After graduating, I looked for a position with a farm locally and even nationally, without success. I did, however, find a position at a large nursery in San Diego County, California (I was born, raised, and lived in Pensacola, Florida at the time). I was hired as an Assistant Grower and worked there for two and a half years. Until, one day, I woke up and realized I was actually a manager at a factory. We were spitting out plants by the millions- no heart, no passion, no love. It was all about efficiency, uniformity, and profit. I spent far more time sitting at a desk in my office than outside or touching plants. I value what I learned there, but it was not for me. I again searched for a position at a farm, but because I had so much experience and education in computers, organization, management, etc., I found myself being directed into those sort of positions and not the hands-on that I craved. Money was also an issue; I was scared to make less than what I had been making in my previous positions and I couldn't seem to find a hands-on position that paid very well. I held myself back from my dream with so many excuses and with so much fear.

I eventually got to a point where I felt that it was hopeless. I resigned to the thought that I would never be a farmer or have a farm of my own. How could I afford it? I didn't have any land. I was getting older. It had been almost 30 years since I grew that first cucumber. I tried to suppress my dream and move on with my life, to just exist and live the day to day life. But I grew depressed and felt lifeless. I gained a lot of weight. It was at this point, and I don't believe in coincidence, a friend shared with me about a series of personal development courses she had gone through called Benchmark (Discovery, Integrity, and Passion). Through these courses, I learned to take responsibility and be in the driver's seat of my life, to let go of fear and doubt, and to go for my passion. I had a renewed sense of hope and excitement for life. At the time, I worked for another large nursery in inventory and availability management. Even though I appreciated my job very much- I loved the people I worked with, my boss was awesome, and I enjoyed the work I did- I still felt so restless. Sitting at a desk all day was unbearable and I knew I wasn't following the dream I was beginning to allow again. Then I went to a Kyle Cease event (a speaker who combines comedy and transformation) where I made the final jump. I let go of all the reasons I thought I couldn't do it and realized they were the very reasons I had to do what I wanted in life. If not now, when? On their community board I wrote a note that I want an organic/biodynamic farm and was looking for a partner to work with. I didn't make it back to the board in time at the end of the event and all of the posts had been taken down, but I wasn't concerned, I had put my intention out and had released it. Only a few days later, I had the inspiration to check the biodynamic association website (a national association) and there was a posting for someone looking for a partner at a biodynamic farm in Fallbrook only 2 miles from my home!!

Fast forward to now, 6 months later, and I have my own farm, living in bliss. Once I let go, time and money didn't matter. Everyday I'm surprised and delighted by nature and learn something new; I love that there's always more to learn and experience. Just like when I was a child, I'm still in awe and amazement and excited to walk into the greenhouse to see all the newly germinated seedlings. I love being outdoors, the freedom I experience in every way, doing what I've always wanted to do with passion and joy. I feel the oneness of nature and of all things. I feel the life of the soil, not just the physical movement (unless there's a squiggly earthworm), but the energy of the life within. I call my style intuitive farming and, although I follow the guidelines of the biodynamic calendar, within that I follow a flow of inspiration. I celebrate diversity and, although I plant in rows, I call them rows of diversity. Crops intermingled with each other, flowers beloved by pollinators and beneficials planted in between. Harvesting is so much fun! It feels more like foraging than harvesting; I love that feeling.

Along with building a community and family-oriented environment, my dream has also been to provide an opportunity for children to connect with nature. And perhaps some of them have the same passion within that will be ignited; it would be such a gift to witness that happen for another and to be a part of their experience.

There have been challenges and my partner moved on, but challenges are all part of the journey. The challenges made it even that much more adventurous and helped me to clarify what I want. I realize that, until now, it wasn't the right time yet. I was getting ready to be ready. Everything happens at the right time. I still had a journey I needed to go through before experiencing my dream, and really, the journey never ends. I also realize that I wasn't alone in my journey, and none of us ever are; many people have been a part and co-creator of my experience just as I am in theirs. I'm so thankful for the love and support of so many people.